Part of the series Fatherhood: Desire, Mates, Passions, Weight.
You Are Also Still Her Lover ·
You Are Also Still a Buddy ·
You Still Love Doing Your Thing ·
The Invisible Load of Being a Dad
Fatherhood shrinks circles. The pub nights fade. The hikes don’t get planned. The group chat falls silent. One day you realise your only regular conversations are with colleagues or your kids’ teachers.
Men often don’t notice it happening. They stop picking up the phone. They get swallowed by work and family. Slowly, the web of friendship that once held them together unravels. And with it, something vital goes missing.
You’re not only a dad. You’re also still a buddy. And if you lose that part, the man your family needs starts to hollow out.
Why Friends Matter
A father without friends is a man carrying too much on his own. Work pressure, parenting stress, the unspoken fears — they pile up. Without anyone to share them with, the weight doubles.
Friends keep men alive. Not in the dramatic sense of resuscitation, but in the daily sense of perspective. They make you laugh at yourself. They remind you you’re not the only one screwing up. They keep you honest.
Think of the mate who says, “You look wrecked, let’s go for a walk.” Or the one who tells you straight when you’re disappearing into workaholism. Or the one who shares his own mess, so you don’t feel crazy in yours. That’s what friends do.
And your kids need to see it. They need to watch their dad head out for football with his mates, or hear him laugh too loud on the phone. It shows them adulthood isn’t only duty — it’s also play, connection, loyalty.
Beware the Entitled Boy
Your family doesn’t need another teenager in the house. They need a man — one who can show up for his kids and still for his mates.
Your family doesn’t need another teenager in the house. They need a man — one who can show up for his kids and still for his mates.
There’s a difference between being a buddy and being a boy. Some men, when they grab for their freedom, fall straight back into adolescence: binge-drinking, lost weekends, disappearing from family life.
That isn’t mateship. That’s escape.
Your family doesn’t need another teenager in the house. They need a man. A man who can show up for his children and partner, and still show up for his mates. A man who knows that going out for beers doesn’t mean never coming back, that a Saturday on the bike doesn’t excuse checking out for the rest of the week.
True friendship isn’t about running away. It’s about grounding yourself, so you can come back steadier.
The Risk of Isolation
When men stop reaching out, the silence becomes heavy. They tell themselves everyone else is too busy. They don’t want to look needy, so they swallow the hunger.
But isolation eats men alive. You see it in the fathers who drift into quiet despair, who numb themselves with endless scrolling, who only socialise with colleagues they don’t even like. You see it in the men who can’t name a single person they’d call if everything collapsed.
It’s not weakness to want company. It’s weakness to pretend you don’t.
Ways Back
The road back to friendship doesn’t need to be grand. Start small.
Send the first message. Organise a walk. Watch the match together. Make a WhatsApp group for nonsense memes. Book the squash court, even if you’re both rusty.
It’s not weakness to want company. It’s weakness to pretend you don’t.
It’s not weakness to want company. It’s weakness to pretend you don’t.
It’s less about the activity than the ritual. Knowing there are men you can lean on — and who can lean on you.
And here’s the truth: your family benefits too. When you return from a night with the lads, laughing and lighter, you’re a better partner, a better father. You carry less weight alone.
Keep That Part Alive
You’re not just a provider, not just a dad.
You’re also still a buddy.
Don’t starve that part of yourself.
Call the friend you’ve ghosted.
Dust off the boots.
Say yes to the pint, the hike, the stupid banter.
Sit down with another man and tell the truth about what’s hard.
Because fatherhood doesn’t erase friendship.
It makes it matter more.
It’s said it takes a village to raise a child. That village isn’t only for the child — it’s for you too. Friends, brothers, mates: they’re the ones who steady you, so you can steady your family.
Keep them close. Keep that part of you alive.
Because a father with a village is never alone.
For the international father in Switzerland, this isolation is intensified. Your ‘village’ is a flight away, and the local culture can feel hard to break into. You might feel you have to ‘white knuckle’ it alone. But in my practice, I see that the most resilient expat dads are those who intentionally build a new brotherhood here—whether on the trails of the Jura or a terrace in Lausanne.
Part of the series Fatherhood: Desire, Mates, Passions, Weight.
You Are Also Still Her Lover ·
You Are Also Still a Buddy ·
You Still Love Doing Your Thing ·
The Invisible Load of Being a Dad
→ Also see the Fatherhood Workshop
