Being in relationship means: the need to sometimes work hard to keep joy, romance, and intimacy alive. This kind of work doesn’t always come easy or naturally. At times the fruits of this work are overshadowed by stresses and constraints of ordinary life: work, kids, volunteering engagements, hobbies, et cetera. Couples counselling can help you address the strains and stresses your relationship is under.
Addressing discontent in romantic relationships is a courageous undertaking. Some couples decide together to see a counsellor to do a check-in & tune-up, while others engage a counsellor to address dynamics between loved ones that are felt to be unhelpful, or sometimes even destructive. More so even than in individual counselling, couples counselling requires a deep commitment to the process. The outcome of the process, after all, doesn’t only affect you, it also affects those in your immediate environment…
“The rule that surpasses all rules is that you must be connected, willing to see what’s in front of you, and willing to move if what you’re doing isn’t working.”
Terry Real – How Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women
Approach to Couples Counselling
Relational Life Therapy
In my couples counselling I am most inspired and guided by the work of Terry Real (Relational Life Therapy) and John and Julie Gottman.
Relational Life Therapy puts vulnerability, intimacy, healthy self-esteem healthy assertiveness and healthy boundaries at the heart of long-term romantic relationships. “All couples counselling teaches people skills,” says Terry Real. “We work with the parts of you that refuse to use them.” Making intimacy work means, firstly, making vulnerability a daring yet safe experience. Speaking uncomfortable truths with compassion and kindness so that your partner can hear you and hearing uncomfortable truths without getting angry or shut down so you can actually know your partner can both be quite difficult.
Living a Relational Life means learning, experiencing and seeing how you can be connected to yourself and your partner while feeling protected at the same time.
One very helpful tool in Real’s assortment is an explicit focus on the family of origin of both partners, to improve the clients’ understanding of and empathy with each others background. What I especially appreciate in Real’s work is attention to the specific circumstances men face in adjusting to the shifting perceptions of what it means to be a man in this day and age, and how that affects their attitudes and behaviour towards intimacy.
Gottman Method
The Gottmans emphasise the need for friendship, mutual fondness and admiration, and shared meaning in romantic relationships, while addressing head-on the various ways in which conflict can undermine and destroy the resilience of relationships (see also the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse“).
The Gottman Couples Method starts with a thorough assessment of the current relationship, its strengths and its points of concern, and follows a clear path to improve the positive aspects and address the negative aspects of the relationship. If you so wish, I can sign you up at a heavily reduced rate to a wealth of practical information provided by the Gottman Institute, with assignments, exercises, videoclips and other resources that might help you as a couple find and implement lasting changes to the dynamic between the two of you.
My Training
In August 2024 I became a Certified RLT Coach, recognised by the Relational Life Institute, founded by Terry Real. Furthermore I include the insights of Marty Klein and Esther Perel in my work on issues of physical intimacy and sexuality.
I completed my Level 3 training in the Gottman Method in January 2022.
Inclusivity: Open to All Identities and Orientations
The careful reader might have noticed that I haven’t referred to couples as exclusively male-female. My practice is open to all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identification, ethnic background, religious beliefs or socio-economic strata. I also welcome couples who wish to explore polyamory.
Practicalities of Couples Counselling
The structure of relationship counselling is, usually, to start with an introductory couple’s session, followed by two individual interviews. In these sessions you set the outcome you wish to work towards, and you share with me what is currently going well in your relationship. If you both feel that our work together offers the potential of getting your relationship back 0n track, we decide together on a frequency and number of sessions. Once we reach the date you originally set, we re-evaluate your progress and chart the way forward.
I believe that transformation, growth and change occur between sessions. Our meet-ups offer clarification, give new energy and motivation and insights. However, the real work happens in your homes, your lives, your interaction with your partner. To help you practice new skills I will provide a wealth of useful materials that you can take home.
Couples Counselling in Lausanne and Nyon
My office in Lausanne (Flon) can easily be reached by public transport (metro and bus). In Nyon I work very close to the Castle, in a tranquil area. Online couples counselling can be organised, if so desired.
Sessions in the evening or on Saturday mornings are available on request.
In case of any questions about practicalities or my ways of working, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Packages for Couples Counselling
Couples who commit to 6, 8 or 10 sessions can select a package with a discounted fee on all sessions.
For couples who think they might benefit from a so-called couples intensive in which we take two days to dive deep into your relationship: I offer these as well. At your request, we can do these couples intensives in a “getaway” location or a wellness resort as well.
